And today, many months after my last post, I have decided to write again.
I WILL WRITE AGAAAYN!
Recent events of tapping into a nice lonely spell I have decided to pull out the ceremonial THC for consuming. I found myself craving the plant the other day, and having some of my own stashed away in an old rum bottle, I had to pull it out for a good meditation. Since it's been a while I decided all new thoughts were to come, and knowing how powerful intentions are I was sure they would be wonderful.
There was a slight problem in pulling open that old dusty drawer left un-noticed for so long...I had no device to smoke with. I tried in vain to find an old pipe, or maybe some rolling papers around the house that I reside. Knowing that I was in a house of marijuana users, I didn't think this would be a hard thing to do.
It turned out to be impossible without going through my room mates personal space. So I decided to light up my plant like incense, just as it was so many thousands of years ago. I placed my ganja on a cleared off stone inside of an old ceremonial bowl, and lit it up, cherry-ing the bud to smoke straight from.
This, as I suspected, worked quite well. And although I was not able to consume all of the smoke, I got plenty for my low tolerance, out of practice self.
I felt the high straight away and my first instinct was to stretch. So I put on the most calming, best tripping, music I could think of and went away.
(David Gilmour's On An Island. Highly recommended)
I calmed my being, and assured myself of the things that I do well, and recognised the things with which to work on.
I ended the night quite easily and layed my head upon my pillow to the most disgustingly beautiful sleep I've had in many moons.
The next day was easy, and although I woke at 7:00 am (not a time I'm used to) I felt wonderful all day. This just proves the wonderful medicine that THC is.
I will continue on with my nightly "burn outs" and know that everything goes well.
-Gilliam Gilmour Grey.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Sara #@*( Christians ARE crazy!
....I now expect hate mail & threats of my soul being eternally doomed to hell :/
- Rebecca *(#@*(likes this.
- James #@* Let me know how hot it is when you get down there. You're exactly what's wrong with this country. Yet im not one to pass judgement.....2 hours ago ·
- Brandon Smith I don't normally interfere but you just did pass judgment. Know what you're saying before you say it.about an hour ago · ·
- James #@*# Im judging anyone. Its a free country. If you wanna say stupid shit like that just to get a rise outta people, then do it.about an hour ago ·
- Brandon Smith You can judge whoever you want. The issue is that you judged someone and claimed to not be judging them. Plus Christianity is full of holes.about an hour ago · ·
- James @#*#@*(#@ I simply had an outburst due to the statement that christians were crazy. How's christianity full of holes? Seems pretty straight forward to me and most.56 minutes ago ·
- Brandon Smith Don't state something so statistically untrue. If you're going to even try and battle me with your religious views, have facts to back it up. Why should I believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit? Give me a rebuttal or you're not worth my time. There are less Christians in the world every single day because of the over abundance in theories that debunk Christianity. (everything is a theory, so if you try and pull the factual card out on what happens in our universe then that's an automatic fail.)53 minutes ago · ·
- James B@#$ I majored in physics and astrology. Yet I still believe in my faith. Try me dickhead......47 minutes ago ·
- James @#$ The #1 question in science, dumbass, is if there is a god. As of today, there is no proof if he exists. There isn't any proof that he doesn't exist. We haven't determined that, scientificly39 minutes ago ·
- Brandon SmithHow could you determine that scientifically? You can't, it's all spiritual, it's beyond the physical realm. And as far as the spiritual side goes, if you are ignorant enough to think that you know everything then you don't deserve to know t...he truth anyway.
We're too stupid as beings to know everything, or really anything for that matter. We live in our little ignorant bliss and pretend like we know it all, all the while the real things that we can't even experience due to the fact that we experience less than one millionth of what's going on around us are proving right in front of our faces that God is a myth. He's just an idea that is a fragment of the actual truth.
I'm not really a fan of your angry attitude either. That's not very Christian of you hypocrite.See More33 minutes ago · · - James @#$#@ We only know so much of the universe. Only a fraction. Who are you to say God isn't behind all of this.....31 minutes ago ·
- Brandon Smith Who are you to say that God is who you think he is?30 minutes ago · ·
- James @#$ I believe in what he is. You can believe in whatever the hell you want. You atheists and hippies think you know everything just because you can tell the difference between the big dipper and the little dipper.23 minutes ago ·
- Brandon SmithA) I'm not an atheist and B) I'm no damn hippie. Atheism is just as ignorant, and for that matter so are a lot of hippies. And for your information, part of my beliefs is the realization that I will never know. Maybe you didn't catch that f...rom the things I've said so far. But there is no way we can know, or will ever know. The moment you realize you know nothing, is the moment you start to learn. Be open minded, and collect things as they come to you with eyes unclouded. Your anger has you fighting the very fabric of your being when you know in your heart the only reason you fight it is out of anger rather than trying to convert people to the beliefs that really matters.
You are a failure in the Christian sense. Any "real" Christian's I've ever known are very sweet, and they make moderately valid points about why they believe what they believe. They also do whatever they can to get people to believe what they believe because they want everyone to go to Heaven.
In this, I call you out. You are not just an ignorant human being. You're an ignorant human being that is angry for no reason, and has no legit reason for being angry.
It's not what you go through, but how you go through it that defines the person that you are. And whatever has happened to you in your life you haven't learned a thing from it.
I hope you figure things out and gain confidence within yourself, and within your beliefs to really know what you're talking about.
I truly hope the best for you. I say that with sincerity.See More18 minutes ago · · - James @#$#@ Stephan Hawking lost all his crediability by saying the very thing your trying to make an arguement about. So fire off, smart guy. What are your thoughts?15 minutes ago ·
- Brandon Smith You have lost the entire point of this conversation. You are officially a waste of my time. Goodnight. and Goodluck.14 minutes ago · ·
- James @#$#@ Im probably the most open minded person you'll ever meet, mother fucker. You sound like a complete fucking retard and it amuses me.12 minutes ago ·
- Brandon SmithChristianity is the opposite of open minded. To be open minded means you're open to any ideas or at leas will listen to matter how crazy it sounds. To be a Christian means you believe in one thing and one thing only and will never open to a...ny new ideas.
James *()*(you fail11 minutes ago · · - James #@$#@ The catholic church has acknowledged the possibility of alien life within the known universe. I dont know how more open minded christianity can get than that.7 minutes ago ·
- Brandon Smith adorable6 minutes ago · ·
- James @#$#@ Keep it coming HotShot. You might learn some more....3 minutes ago ·
- Brandon Smith ;)about a minute ago · ·
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Response to USBank
This doesn't assess the issue. I personally have checked my account every single day and my last transaction before I stopped spending any money on my card was for Pita Pit, when I saw that once that transaction would go through I would only have about .30cents left in my account I put my card away so that I wouldn't be allowed to use it. Now when I look at my account all of my pending charges and actual charges are completely different than what they said before. Pita Pit was my last charge, it no longer says that at all, nor does it say that my balance was ever .30something cents. So the fact of the matter is that my account did not show the "actual" information that occurred, OR somehow my account was charged beyond me.
I DO understand how this system works, that is why I am completely confused as to why my account is overdrawn. This continues to make no sense, and if I am completely wrong somehow obviously I am not seeing it. Please hit me in the head with a mallet or something if I'm just being an idiot.
On top of all of this, I cannot pay this fee until I find work, I am in a town I'm not accustomed to and it may take a while to get a job. When I finally do my account will be so far out I'm going to end up paying for charges worth a couple hundred dollars. Doing this over a 6 dollar overdraft that I didn't even make seems a little pointless and is only going to make it that much harder for me to get back on my feet again. I realize this isn't personally your fault, nor does this necessarily have anything to do with you, nor should you care since you're living your life and not mine. that's not the issue. The issue is I HAVE been paying attention and everything that you told me has nothing to do with all the attention I payed to my account and I kept all of my receipts from the last point that money was put into my account to my last transaction and went back showing that I DID NOT go over as I explained before. (Although I am human and not a machine so I may have misplaced a receipt or two, although I don't believe this is the case, merely stating that shit happens.) So when I came back to a place where I could check my balance and noticed it was completely different than the previous week, I was a bit shocked. How can this be happening? There must be some sort of bank Gnome chasing after my figures and moving them around like a rubix cube with a couple blocks missing and one or two mis-shaped ones added in their place.
So what I want to know is, how can I stop this from going up any further? Do I need to cancel my account and pay the fee at a later date when I can? Or is there rules against canceling an account before the fees are stopped. There is afterall a rule to everything now a days...There should be a rule saying "Hey human error happens, OOOOPS! We're not all machines...well...I hope not at least...or we sold our souls, if indeed we did was it to the Devil? Or the Church? or are these two things exactly the same? I haven't quite figured this out yet...oh yeah, I'm a human and I don't have the answers to everything, and I am open to making errors." (This title would be perfect as I come back full circle, but I'm guessing that title might be a bit long for such a rule, but I think you understand what I'm getting at. )
"Rules this.
Rules that.
Yes Sir.
Yes Ma'am.
Read the fine print.
Before we are finished with this transaction help me suck on Satan's dick.
Oh yes baby yes Satan will give us all we've ever wanted if we just suck on his dick.
ooooh baby.
(I sincerely hope this is making your day cause this is kind of fun)
oh dear GOD ....I mean SATAN!!! SUUUUUUUUUUUCK SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
-Sir Cornelius Banker
Bankers ruined our country from the start, and they only continue to make things worse. Our founding fathers would be extremely upset about how we turned out due to banking.
Sorry...I'm frustrated.
(In no way am I meaning to offend you personally, nor should this be held against me on any legal level. I am not threatening you or anybody or any establishments, anything, or anyone by any means. I am merely expressing my frustration in a strange/childish/fun/entertaining manner. I hope if anything, even if you decide I am complete douche-bag and that I don't deserve any kind of help in my frustrating situation, you at least found this entertaining and will go on with your day holding onto an extremely large scaled smile that pulls across your entire face resembling the Cheshire cat. And if not, then my real job of opening people's eyes and making them smile at the same time is not exactly working and I need to find a new profession. Of course if I made money doing this as a profession I wouldn't even be near this kind of situation in the first place and this whole situation would be avoided completely and you wouldn't have to read all of this. Which of course would be kind of sad. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.)
Sincerely,
Brandon (Can't stop talking out of his ass) Smith
P.S. It's really sad that I have to have a disclaimer for everything that I write.
(((((Just so those of you who are reading this know, this REALLY was sent to USBank after a response they sent to me from a real person answering none of my concerns in a realistic manner. This begs the question...am I completely insane?)))))))
I DO understand how this system works, that is why I am completely confused as to why my account is overdrawn. This continues to make no sense, and if I am completely wrong somehow obviously I am not seeing it. Please hit me in the head with a mallet or something if I'm just being an idiot.
On top of all of this, I cannot pay this fee until I find work, I am in a town I'm not accustomed to and it may take a while to get a job. When I finally do my account will be so far out I'm going to end up paying for charges worth a couple hundred dollars. Doing this over a 6 dollar overdraft that I didn't even make seems a little pointless and is only going to make it that much harder for me to get back on my feet again. I realize this isn't personally your fault, nor does this necessarily have anything to do with you, nor should you care since you're living your life and not mine. that's not the issue. The issue is I HAVE been paying attention and everything that you told me has nothing to do with all the attention I payed to my account and I kept all of my receipts from the last point that money was put into my account to my last transaction and went back showing that I DID NOT go over as I explained before. (Although I am human and not a machine so I may have misplaced a receipt or two, although I don't believe this is the case, merely stating that shit happens.) So when I came back to a place where I could check my balance and noticed it was completely different than the previous week, I was a bit shocked. How can this be happening? There must be some sort of bank Gnome chasing after my figures and moving them around like a rubix cube with a couple blocks missing and one or two mis-shaped ones added in their place.
So what I want to know is, how can I stop this from going up any further? Do I need to cancel my account and pay the fee at a later date when I can? Or is there rules against canceling an account before the fees are stopped. There is afterall a rule to everything now a days...There should be a rule saying "Hey human error happens, OOOOPS! We're not all machines...well...I hope not at least...or we sold our souls, if indeed we did was it to the Devil? Or the Church? or are these two things exactly the same? I haven't quite figured this out yet...oh yeah, I'm a human and I don't have the answers to everything, and I am open to making errors." (This title would be perfect as I come back full circle, but I'm guessing that title might be a bit long for such a rule, but I think you understand what I'm getting at. )
"Rules this.
Rules that.
Yes Sir.
Yes Ma'am.
Read the fine print.
Before we are finished with this transaction help me suck on Satan's dick.
Oh yes baby yes Satan will give us all we've ever wanted if we just suck on his dick.
ooooh baby.
(I sincerely hope this is making your day cause this is kind of fun)
oh dear GOD ....I mean SATAN!!! SUUUUUUUUUUUCK SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
-Sir Cornelius Banker
Bankers ruined our country from the start, and they only continue to make things worse. Our founding fathers would be extremely upset about how we turned out due to banking.
Sorry...I'm frustrated.
(In no way am I meaning to offend you personally, nor should this be held against me on any legal level. I am not threatening you or anybody or any establishments, anything, or anyone by any means. I am merely expressing my frustration in a strange/childish/fun/entertaining manner. I hope if anything, even if you decide I am complete douche-bag and that I don't deserve any kind of help in my frustrating situation, you at least found this entertaining and will go on with your day holding onto an extremely large scaled smile that pulls across your entire face resembling the Cheshire cat. And if not, then my real job of opening people's eyes and making them smile at the same time is not exactly working and I need to find a new profession. Of course if I made money doing this as a profession I wouldn't even be near this kind of situation in the first place and this whole situation would be avoided completely and you wouldn't have to read all of this. Which of course would be kind of sad. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.)
Sincerely,
Brandon (Can't stop talking out of his ass) Smith
P.S. It's really sad that I have to have a disclaimer for everything that I write.
(((((Just so those of you who are reading this know, this REALLY was sent to USBank after a response they sent to me from a real person answering none of my concerns in a realistic manner. This begs the question...am I completely insane?)))))))
Friday, July 16, 2010
Ashland air is lively.
Still I wait every day in and out of coffee shops, the anxiety has left for the most part, but I still have no idea how I will continue onto the next destination. The hardest part is that my next destination is about a day and a half worth of driving non stop, I know I won't go that extreme, but I will definitely push the pedal hard once I hit the road again.
Until then I am here, and here I will stay. There are so many things that I could do in this town, and I'm looking forward to doing them all.
comparatively to anywhere I've ever been in my life I've made a plethora of friends. Are any of them potential long term friends?
yes.
If I leave before I dry out these friendships they will all be willing to keep in contact with me for a good portion of my life.
Lost in the chaos of living I realized today that I've run out of money once again. It's a little surprising due to my $5 a day budget. Luckily with that budget, I will be able to continue just fine as long as I make money busking on the streets of Ashland. This is not always an easy feat though, these people are heavy with their wallets, although light with their moods. I'm curious to see how long this place will last for me, and I think it's quite interesting that now my discontinued friendship with one of my oldest friends has only opened possibilities of new light and life for me.
Over the last couple of years all of the older friends that I've had are leaving my life one by one, I feel as though this is a true new beginning. I'm excited for the new start. Strangely I have kept the one friendship I never thought I would that just so happens to be my longest. The strangest people come and go through my life, and now that I've found some crazy homeless hippies and a group of punk rock train-hopping kids that I get along with equally I'm not so worried about my future in friendships. I believe I've learned enough to keep the people around that I really would like to keep around.
I continue to grow, and I'm extremely excited about it.
Godspeed - Gilliam Grey
Until then I am here, and here I will stay. There are so many things that I could do in this town, and I'm looking forward to doing them all.
comparatively to anywhere I've ever been in my life I've made a plethora of friends. Are any of them potential long term friends?
yes.
If I leave before I dry out these friendships they will all be willing to keep in contact with me for a good portion of my life.
Lost in the chaos of living I realized today that I've run out of money once again. It's a little surprising due to my $5 a day budget. Luckily with that budget, I will be able to continue just fine as long as I make money busking on the streets of Ashland. This is not always an easy feat though, these people are heavy with their wallets, although light with their moods. I'm curious to see how long this place will last for me, and I think it's quite interesting that now my discontinued friendship with one of my oldest friends has only opened possibilities of new light and life for me.
Over the last couple of years all of the older friends that I've had are leaving my life one by one, I feel as though this is a true new beginning. I'm excited for the new start. Strangely I have kept the one friendship I never thought I would that just so happens to be my longest. The strangest people come and go through my life, and now that I've found some crazy homeless hippies and a group of punk rock train-hopping kids that I get along with equally I'm not so worried about my future in friendships. I believe I've learned enough to keep the people around that I really would like to keep around.
I continue to grow, and I'm extremely excited about it.
Godspeed - Gilliam Grey
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Anxiety in Ashland
It's not exactly what I was expecting when I decided I would stop in Ashland, Oregon for a while. A close friend of mine from 9th grade lives here, and I always loved coming to visit him. Since the last time we saw each other (almost three years ago) we've both gone through a lot of changes in our lives. These changes has put a whole new perspective on what our friendship means to each other. We're both in a sort of friendship limbo because we really don't know each other anymore.
There will always be those memories of the great times we had as kids, and all the things we learned about ourselves with the help of the other. We were both so important to each other in a very big learning time in our lives, but now we are where we are in our lives as adults and it's almost like we're not sure we even need each other around anymore.
It's hard to say that, and it's very strange, it has nothing to do with whether we get along or not, because I believe we do. We're just so very different. Being in Ashland has put my mind in a very strange series of thoughts, and I've stopped thinking about the things that are important for me to think about while I'm on my trip.
My friends that I've seen on the road are both so similar to how they were as kids, but it's strange that even though we can be the same people we end up so very different than we expected each other to end up like.
I think I've just become an arrogant asshole...but maybe this is my realization and my attempt to change this will come soon...or maybe I realized this at the end of my last serious relationship and I still haven't fixed myself as much as I thought I had. There's too much to think about, and I don't know exactly where to put all of these thoughts or how far I'm going to end up going with them in the end.
I feel useless.
I feel pointless.
And this depression has to stop...it's strange because I was feeling so good just yesterday...where has my happiness gone? Or have I ever really had it?
There will always be those memories of the great times we had as kids, and all the things we learned about ourselves with the help of the other. We were both so important to each other in a very big learning time in our lives, but now we are where we are in our lives as adults and it's almost like we're not sure we even need each other around anymore.
It's hard to say that, and it's very strange, it has nothing to do with whether we get along or not, because I believe we do. We're just so very different. Being in Ashland has put my mind in a very strange series of thoughts, and I've stopped thinking about the things that are important for me to think about while I'm on my trip.
My friends that I've seen on the road are both so similar to how they were as kids, but it's strange that even though we can be the same people we end up so very different than we expected each other to end up like.
I think I've just become an arrogant asshole...but maybe this is my realization and my attempt to change this will come soon...or maybe I realized this at the end of my last serious relationship and I still haven't fixed myself as much as I thought I had. There's too much to think about, and I don't know exactly where to put all of these thoughts or how far I'm going to end up going with them in the end.
I feel useless.
I feel pointless.
And this depression has to stop...it's strange because I was feeling so good just yesterday...where has my happiness gone? Or have I ever really had it?
Sometimes I wonder if I really am the type of person that I percieve myself as.
Do I really think as much as I believe I do?
Am I really as good natured as I think I am?
Am I really as happy as I think I feel?
Although these questions may seems stupid from an outsiders perspective, I really do wonder. Is this one big lie that I'm living? Sometimes I almost feel like I think I'm living one life but I'm actually living another that could even been happening in some other dimension.
At times I feel like I know myself perfectly well...and that I am who I am and there is no other answer. Other times I feel like I'm lying to myself...
Maybe I really am huge asshole and I don't give a fuck what anybody has to say about anything, I only care how I feel, and I'm the only person that is ever right... If this is true, it's going to be really hard for me to accept because that is not at all how I wish to be, and I feel like I strive for something much bigger.
As of this point in my life, I have a really bad habbit of not being able to keep friends around...I could be wrong...and they could leave for other reasons...or maybe I'm the one that always leaves.
Maybe there are times that I just make a huge ass out of myself because I'm loud, obnoxious, and need to shut my fucking mouth.
I'm not in a good mood, I need to move on from this and stay strong, I know I want to be a good person, I just need to work on getting there...it's important that I question these things, as long as I don't dwell and figure out ways to fix them if they are true and I feel I shouldn't be said direction in my life.
Move on Gilliam.
Godspeed - Dr. Grey
Do I really think as much as I believe I do?
Am I really as good natured as I think I am?
Am I really as happy as I think I feel?
Although these questions may seems stupid from an outsiders perspective, I really do wonder. Is this one big lie that I'm living? Sometimes I almost feel like I think I'm living one life but I'm actually living another that could even been happening in some other dimension.
At times I feel like I know myself perfectly well...and that I am who I am and there is no other answer. Other times I feel like I'm lying to myself...
Maybe I really am huge asshole and I don't give a fuck what anybody has to say about anything, I only care how I feel, and I'm the only person that is ever right... If this is true, it's going to be really hard for me to accept because that is not at all how I wish to be, and I feel like I strive for something much bigger.
As of this point in my life, I have a really bad habbit of not being able to keep friends around...I could be wrong...and they could leave for other reasons...or maybe I'm the one that always leaves.
Maybe there are times that I just make a huge ass out of myself because I'm loud, obnoxious, and need to shut my fucking mouth.
I'm not in a good mood, I need to move on from this and stay strong, I know I want to be a good person, I just need to work on getting there...it's important that I question these things, as long as I don't dwell and figure out ways to fix them if they are true and I feel I shouldn't be said direction in my life.
Move on Gilliam.
Godspeed - Dr. Grey
Monday, July 12, 2010
Getting so worked up
There's really no point in getting so worked up about everything all the time, I should know, I had issues with this for a long time and still struggle every now and then. I try to grow from these simple little misfortunes though.
Let's grow up already, it's time to be complete within ourselves, show respect to the world around us and grow and grow and grow and grow.
I respect your opinion, and I believe in mine.
(these letters to myself could be misinterpreted as being told to someone else, I must reiterate that these are directed towards me and are not a judgment on other peoples actions so much as a general realization about myself, and from time to time an interpretation of another's actions.)
Godspeed - Gilliam Grey
Let's grow up already, it's time to be complete within ourselves, show respect to the world around us and grow and grow and grow and grow.
I respect your opinion, and I believe in mine.
(these letters to myself could be misinterpreted as being told to someone else, I must reiterate that these are directed towards me and are not a judgment on other peoples actions so much as a general realization about myself, and from time to time an interpretation of another's actions.)
Godspeed - Gilliam Grey
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)