It's not exactly what I was expecting when I decided I would stop in Ashland, Oregon for a while. A close friend of mine from 9th grade lives here, and I always loved coming to visit him. Since the last time we saw each other (almost three years ago) we've both gone through a lot of changes in our lives. These changes has put a whole new perspective on what our friendship means to each other. We're both in a sort of friendship limbo because we really don't know each other anymore.
There will always be those memories of the great times we had as kids, and all the things we learned about ourselves with the help of the other. We were both so important to each other in a very big learning time in our lives, but now we are where we are in our lives as adults and it's almost like we're not sure we even need each other around anymore.
It's hard to say that, and it's very strange, it has nothing to do with whether we get along or not, because I believe we do. We're just so very different. Being in Ashland has put my mind in a very strange series of thoughts, and I've stopped thinking about the things that are important for me to think about while I'm on my trip.
My friends that I've seen on the road are both so similar to how they were as kids, but it's strange that even though we can be the same people we end up so very different than we expected each other to end up like.
I think I've just become an arrogant asshole...but maybe this is my realization and my attempt to change this will come soon...or maybe I realized this at the end of my last serious relationship and I still haven't fixed myself as much as I thought I had. There's too much to think about, and I don't know exactly where to put all of these thoughts or how far I'm going to end up going with them in the end.
I feel useless.
I feel pointless.
And this depression has to stop...it's strange because I was feeling so good just yesterday...where has my happiness gone? Or have I ever really had it?
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