Sometimes I wonder if I really am the type of person that I percieve myself as.

Do I really think as much as I believe I do?

Am I really as good natured as I think I am?

Am I really as happy as I think I feel?

Although these questions may seems stupid from an outsiders perspective, I really do wonder. Is this one big lie that I'm living? Sometimes I almost feel like I think I'm living one life but I'm actually living another that could even been happening in some other dimension.

At times I feel like I know myself perfectly well...and that I am who I am and there is no other answer. Other times I feel like I'm lying to myself...

Maybe I really am huge asshole and I don't give a fuck what anybody has to say about anything, I only care how I feel, and I'm the only person that is ever right... If this is true, it's going to be really hard for me to accept because that is not at all how I wish to be, and I feel like I strive for something much bigger.

As of this point in my life, I have a really bad habbit of not being able to keep friends around...I could be wrong...and they could leave for other reasons...or maybe I'm the one that always leaves.

Maybe there are times that I just make a huge ass out of myself because I'm loud, obnoxious, and need to shut my fucking mouth.

I'm not in a good mood, I need to move on from this and stay strong, I know I want to be a good person, I just need to work on getting there...it's important that I question these things, as long as I don't dwell and figure out ways to fix them if they are true and I feel I shouldn't be said direction in my life.

Move on Gilliam.

Godspeed - Dr. Grey