What exactly are you waiting for?
Sitting here wondering what's going to happen next is only going to lose some potential possibilities that might even better your predicament. I travel these roads always ready for the next change in my life, but always being surprised when it turns out the way it does, and I'm grateful for that. If I always knew what was going to happen next I think I would go completely insane.
Destination greatness.
I'm trying to make the best of everything I experience. I've always had a very short fuse, even as a small child (worse I'd say). Since starting my travels across the states I've noticed a battle going on in my mind to change this fuse. I know I will always get upset about life's misfortunes, if we never got upset we wouldn't truly be human. In this process of change I've noticed my strengthening will is starting to take over my anger and creating a longer piece of rope to burn. Feeling this change within myself has made me overall even more happy, and realize the truth about truly shitty situations. They all come to an end when you decide to overcome. It's all a decision.
Strangely though, I've noticed that every once and a while I don't even have a fuse anymore, just an explosion point. With everything else it takes me longer to get upset, but certain very small things light the fuse at the base and I go off right from the start. For example, just today I left my phone on a sidewalk somewhere near my car in Ashland, Oregon and when someone picked it up, they contacted the last person I was talking to telling her that he didn't know what to do with the phone and that he would just take it to the police station. For some reason this really set me off when I heard what the stranger had done. In my mind I'm thinking why didn't he just leave it where it was at? It was right next to my car!
All I could think to myself was 'now I have to go find the damn police station!' In all of this moment of silly frustration I look across the street and start laughing to myself. It wasn't just the fact that the police station was right across the street, it was that I got so upset over something that would have made no difference anyway. These aren't the kind of situations that should be pissing me off, but at the same time I will go through Hell and back, and hardly bat an eye.
Being in Las Vegas, Nevada really destroyed me internally, and I was quite upset about it. The juxtaposing feeling of seeing it as a blessing rather than a burden has completely changed my thinking about seeing such evil places as a bad thing. Instead I look at the situation now and realize that I'm only more alive than I was before experiencing Hell. We shall see how these changes in my life will affect my trip, and in a greater sense, how they will affect my relationships on the road and when I come back home.
This may be the beginning of an interesting blog, and I only started it about a quarter of the way into my trip across the states. I have a lot to catch up on, and a lot to show the world that I don't feel will be that easy to get across to people. Maybe these will be read, and maybe I will just be rambling to myself as a time capsule.
We shall see.
Godspeed - Gilliam Grey
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